This is kind of a different episode of short round. I may appear to go off track, but if you stick with me, maybe we can find some common ground. I would be interested to read your thoughts. Also – language warning!
I’ve always consciously felt that “style” is just not something I am interested in. I am above it.
But if I am honest with myself, I think over my life I have felt left out because style is for cool people, for thin people, for superficial people and so, nothing to do with me. I’ve started to realise that my casual disinterest was just born of misunderstanding and feelings of alienation.
It took me longer to realise than it probably should have. For many years now I have followed the lives of plus size bloggers, thinking that all I was getting out of their exposure was a sense of acceptance in the world. And at first that is what I got. First I started to imagine that my body wasn’t abnormal. I started to see that big girls can be sexy rather than only slutty (this is a discussion for another day!). I saw that women of all shapes can look amazing when they have the confidence. I am not the first and nor will I be the last to say that seeing people like myself in the media gave me a sense of belonging.
But then something else happened. The ultimate revelation struck me: I don’t just have to buy things because they fit me!
It’s only been in the last year or so that I realised I don’t have to buy things because they cover up ‘problem areas’ or because they are ‘flattering’ colours or because the damn stripes go the ‘right’ way. Fuck that!
By the time I realised that I could take this new found confidence further, the mainstream fashion world had gotten bigger – literally. I had more choices that ever. I was so used to shopping at Target and Kmart (sorry guys, I still love your leggings though!) for loose, flowing tops, long skirts, oversized t-shirts and baggy or long line cardigans. I was that fatty, you know me, you’ve seen me.
It didn’t all happen overnight but some things were an instant decision. Like skirts. Fuck skirts, I hate them! Skirts and dresses make me feel like a balloon. They make me feel uncomfortable, frumpy, awkward and totally unsexy. Why then did I have half a wardrobe of them?
When I look at my photos over the last year, I can see that I have gained confidence and my style, while still evolving, is becoming something that looks more like how I feel on the inside. This may still seem superficial to some people but for a 30 year old woman who’s always been fat but hasn’t always had the confidence to be stylish, this is what that evolution has looked like…